Reader Highly Sensitive Mommy writes,
My husband and I are preparing to take our first adult only vacation, leaving later this week. I’m anxious about leaving our HSP 3 year old daughter and 1 year old. My amazing in laws are staying at our house with them. Any tips or suggestions to prepare or ease the separation?
gratuitous cute picture of my baby
Dear HSM,
I will leave aside what those of us who have never taken a vacation away from their kids are thinking, which is, “This question is kind of like when hot women complain about men liking them only for their looks, or like a rich person complaining about not knowing what stocks to pick to grow her fortune further.” But let’s leave your massive good luck aside from a moment while I cry.
Back! As you know from reading this blog, I am a Highly Sensitive Person like your child, and so is my oldest, and probably my other two also, and I bet you are too because you even wrote this question in. The first time I left my HSP 1.5 year old was to give birth to her sister. Here are the instructions I wrote for my daycare lady. They were staying at her house. Note: this is not a joke:
Natalia should wake up around 6:30am, but may wake earlier. If she wakes in the middle of the night and seems upset, please go in- we don’t go in but she might feel strange in a new house. Offer food and milk when she wakes up in case she is hungry then, but she also likes to eat again around 8:30 or 9am before her first nap. She likes cereal, waffles, pancakes (no syrup), some fruit, bread, yogurt, etc.
Naptime should probably be 2 naps, at 9:30 am and at 3pm. If she gets both naps, please wake her from the second nap by 5 so that she sleeps at night. To go to sleep, she wants her bear and baby, and you can also leave a book with her. If she hasn’t napped after 45 mins or seems upset just get her. If she won’t nap at 9:30 then put her down whenever she gets tired. Lately she only takes the first nap but goes to bed earlier for the night.
She eats lunch at 12 and dinner at 6:30. She also eats snacks in afternoon and midmorning. She likes beans, peas, sandwich (peanut butter, some lunch meat), chicken, pasta, broccoli, string cheese, yogurt, fruit, pizza. If all else fails she will eat some kind of bread or roll or cereal, so feed her this if she won’t eat anything else, because if she doesn’t eat enough she won’t sleep well.
She poops sometimes in the morning, usually around lunch and also at dinnertime or after. She will say “bup” or pee pee if she has to go. Otherwise please try and take her to the potty before and after naps or bed, before and after meals, and before and after car rides. Sometimes she would like a book on the potty.
She takes a shower after her dinner but she would also go in the tub if you prefer. After she is washed please put her leave in conditioner in her hair to avoid tangles. She gets baby lotioned and she wears her footy pajamas.
She should be put down for the night at 8-8:30pm if she has napped twice, or 7-7:30 if she only napped once. For her bedtime routine, place read her a book and she needs her bear and baby, and also likes a book in the bed. Close the door all the way since she is not used to much noise. If you have a fan that is good. No need to go in to check on her unless she is crying or upset. May take her up to 45 mins to sleep but she is quiet usually. If she seems upset, please go in.
She should have 2 sippy cups of organic milk per day. Otherwise she should have a sippy cup of water available during the day. We are not doing juice anymore, but if she sees another child get juice, you can give her diluted juice. If she asks for “gi gi guk” or “cat cup” that means she wants chocolate milk, we give her two half cups in the pink cat cup per day.
She should have her bear and baby around especially if she gets upset, and also there are pictures of her 1st birthday party in her bag so she can see Baba (mama) and Dada.
(558 words.)
Here is what I said about the second child when I gave birth to my third:
Wake up usually between 6 and 7. Eat breakfast. Clara can have two sippy cups of milk per day and N can have one sippy cup of milk and two 4oz cups of chocolate milk, one after nap and one after dinner. Clara can have chocolate milk too at the same times if she wants but sometimes doesn’t want.
Eat again anywhere between 8:30 and 10.
Usually eat lunch at 12 and Clara may poop after.
Natalia and Clara both nap at 1:15pm until usually 3 or 4pm. Have to nap in separate bedrooms, not on main floor, or they will not sleep and then they will be CRAZY! 
Fruit and veggies for afternoon snack if anything. I usually give no snack and then they eat bigger dinner. Clara likes meat! Give them anything you eat and if N has a problem give her cereal and milk.
Dinner: around 6pm
Natalia poops after dinner. Clara also tries.
Bath after poop. Only use conditioner for both. Do not need shampoo. Or else get tangled. Clara gets combed and Natalia gets brushed. Can bathe together.
TV from 7:30-8 and books after.
Clara should be in her bedroom at 8:15pm after bath, books, pee, brush teeth. Give her lorax stuffed animal.
Natalia can read books in her sleeping bag with her bear (Real Bear) until Clara goes to sleep and then you can put them in same room if need be. Clara should be asleep by 9:15 if she goes into her room at 8:15. If Clara is being really hyper and not going down, N can probably sleep through the night in a sleeping bag in another room.*
(277 words; 138.5 per kid. Decrease of 75%.)
*Note that you always sacrifice the needs of the oldest child for the baby. This ensures that therapists like me have a steady income in subsequent generations.
Here is what I said about my third child when I left him to have surgery:
Hold him if he is upset, he likes his car book, he naps at 1.
(No statistics necessary.)
My point is, your kid will be fine with loving care. This stuff is pretty much to assuage your own anxiety, as it was for me. Feel free to get as nuts as you want, but your child will be alive on the other end. Usually ten minutes after you leave, they will be fine with anyone they know and love, and, honestly, with most strangers. You can call your kids and do Facetime if you want, but if that will make them upset, then just do the phone, or do nothing and just see them on the other end.
Oh, also, don’t plant ideas in their heads that they will miss you or be upset or anything. Stay very upbeat like I describe here, discussing how in the seminal moment of my parenting life, my HSP oldest child went into surgery with no fear at age 2.5. (It’s been downhill for me since then.)
Good luck having fun on your tropical vacation while your amazing in-laws watch your kids. Don’t get a sunburn or eat too much delicious food or have too much sex or anything, you lucky ^&$#. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Maybe They Want To Come Watch My Kids Too.